Monday, July 6, 2009

Seven Lessons Learnt in Dark

Life is not a bed of roses is a statement that you might very often hear, but I wish I could make an addition to this statement by saying that,

Life is not a bed of roses and if it seems like a bed of roses then you are not living ;)

I know I sound a bit pessimistic by that statement, but I feel that dark periods in life can be a great learning curve and could be used in a positive way.

I had a period in life which I would undoubtedly call as the "darkest period" in my life up to now. The span of this period was not a day or two it was for nearly 3 to 4 years when I was personally feeling doomed and as a family shattered. A failure or two made me come to the conclusion that I was a loser. It was a period of life in denial and fear. Made me spend a lot of sleepless nights just rolling in the bed and then when the eyes closed due to tiredness one thought would come and shake me out of the sleep. Last thing I wanted to do was to meet people, due to the fear that I will be just asked about one bad thing or the other and might make fun out of it. Bitter experiences with a few people suggested that my side of the explanation will never be listened to as people were already with pre-conceived ideas. These were days where I wanted to be at a place all by myself to cry out loud. For brief period found refuge in visiting the temples, but then again after some time stopped it when I found that even the temple had too many people and my own room was a better refuge.

My Intention here is not to talk about the circumstances of that bad period, but instead discuss some good lessons I learnt during this time. My intended audience of this piece is for anyone who is going such a period in life (If ever this would be read by anyone). They might be able to take some points from here to help them come out of it. But believe me life cannot be applied in templates, my way of things might not be the solution to your problem and what I say might be totally incorrect when applied to you.

1. Make decision after minimizing the sentimental factors
When ever we become emotionally attached to things the decision we make too becomes subjective and biased. At times when bad things happen considering them to be “blessing in disguise” could help in keeping the morale up.

2. One of the easiest ways to solve problem is by thinking from the other person’s shoes
A thing we Sri Lankan’s seldom or never do. It can be at the level of family, friends or even between communities learning to think from the other person’s shoes at times gives the chance to realize the harsh realities around problems.

3. Stop perverting data in the way we like to see
Another thing at which we Sri Lankans are excellent at! But unfortunately by doing this we are lying to us and being hesitant to face reality, it can make the situation bad to worse and at times we might be sleeping in the grave that has been dug for us and still be twisting the story.

4. Time is a good healer
I learnt that for non – physical illnesses time was a good healer. Especially when good people have misunderstood me or my ways. At that point arguing or even standing on ones own head might not convince them, but with time as we live our life with a genuine intent they would realize the ultimate truth. So to make this happen, give enough time to heal the wounds in heart.

5. Mind is the greatest Asset invest in it
Training the mind and learning to keep it coherent can be one of the real factors influencing a complete turn around. Though I am no expert in this was at times impressed by the content written by Swami Vivekanada in this regard.

6. Learn to position things.
Positioning is an art. I try to analyze people and think how they are positioning stuff. I first learnt positioning stuff with my amma, after I went out shopping for her, usually I forget that I need to get the goodies back home and get occupied either watching people play or get myself involved in it. So usually I will get home about 2 to 3 hours late and now to ‘ice’ amma I need to position the reason. This was the first place I learnt to position stuff and I think knowing to position well can be a big blessing to solve problems. But the fine line between lying and positioning should not be misunderstood.

7. If you had hit the rock bottom - remember it can be converted in to an opportunity

When at the rock bottom it gives two choices, either live in denial for ever and accept suffering as a way of life, or consider it to be an opportunity. Since we will neither be in the spotlight and scrutiny of the society nor required to live any longer in the fear of failure. Seriously it was hard to think about alternatives and options at this sort of time but after sometime I felt much relieved to rebuild the life at a slow pace doing what I wish to do, instead of doing what the society wants.

Believing that the odds would change will keep us motivated to fight another day. It’s easily said here but going through and living it that way is a huge challenge, but having that thought that there would definitely be light at the end of the tunnel is very important.

1 comment:

yaalini said...

I have to tell amma on the positioning lies u make... lol.

btw Good article.